the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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