My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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