No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
