These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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