I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
