i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
