Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize