That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am full of burrito and curiosity
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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