I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
