I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
