she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
