he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
