So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
