So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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