i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
