Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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