Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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