I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
