I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
