Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
