Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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