Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
