Will you blow on my dice?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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