Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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