ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
