i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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