girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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