Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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