He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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