Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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