fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
