can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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