I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
