I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
