i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
