So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
