I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
