youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My pussy is not your playground.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
