you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
