Sry I called you an 8
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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