3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
