dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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