I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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