I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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