my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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