somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
