dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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