dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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