i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
