walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
