I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
