I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize