it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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