I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize