You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
