I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
