Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
