He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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