i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize