is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
