you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
