I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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